What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
