Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize