I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
