yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
