I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
