i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
time to smoke my breakfast
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
