He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize