Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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