I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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