I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
