I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
