I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
