So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize