Soap is not a condiment
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
