You're a womanizer and a bitch.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
