Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
