she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
