Are we in a gay sports bar?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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