conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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