So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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