you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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