MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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