i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize
