1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize