Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
