Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
