the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize