wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
