My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
