I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
