You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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