just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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