Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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