I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
