I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have demons in me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
