pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
