you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
