Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
