Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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