i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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