You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He felt like a one man threesome
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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