do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
