youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Can I color on your dick again?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
