officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize