well you can't waste a boner
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
