and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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