So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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