chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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