I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I need water and some morals
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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