hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
