dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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