Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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