Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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