I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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