so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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