I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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