I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
