Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
