why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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