Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
