life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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