Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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