So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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