help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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