Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
