I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
