I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
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