dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
