Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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