Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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