I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
