I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
