You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
