i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
