Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
a search helicopter?!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
