finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
