I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
