no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
