You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
All I want is dick and wine.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
