she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
