I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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