just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
