hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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