Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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