I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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