Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
