Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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