How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
