Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She's just so happy...and so naked.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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