Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
