put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
