is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
