You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
