the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
