he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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