Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
