i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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