the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
