just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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