i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize