Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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