How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
this just has baby written all over it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
